Today's Bible lesson

Are you a pole-smoking fudgepacker or a Say-tanic comedian? You might want to hear what Reverend Phelps, here to disseminate today's Republican talking points, has to say.

So take heed, sinners. You miserable fucks.

That's hot

That Warner Bros. Records actually signed Paris Hilton and released an album by the slacker socialite is an outright crime, the kind of thing that will get you nominated to the Foisting Hall of Fame the way that, oh, sitting in a lawn chair tethered to a weather balloon, with only a BB gun and a sixpack of Pabst Blue Ribbon will get you a Darwin Award for rocketing up to 10,000 feet above LAX and playing chicken with incoming and outgoing airliners.

But thanks to performance artist and genius prankster Banksy, Hilton's nascent recording "career" had been placed in its proper perspective. And that's hot.