Punxatawney Philharmonic

Yowza.

Sorry, wingnuts, but Al Gore was right. I'm sitting here on February 3 listening to some guy mowing his lawn next door to where I'm staying. It's like, Hawaiian shirt weather out there. Whoda thunk that Super Bowl Sunday might become one of those holidays where people celebrate by having outdoor barbeques?

So global warming, or "climate change," as the Orwellian wordsmiths inside the Bush regime and their foxagandists over at Foxaganda "News" Channel put it, is real. And, um, aside from the glee and desire of watching Rush Limbaugh get roasted by the sun in his own lard, we've gotta face the grim realization that we're pretty much in a seriously crummy place here. And we can blame our own stupidity, even if a bunch of little dicks went out and bought Hummers (thanks, Arnold!) and drove around in them.

Because we were driving, too, and we bought into the same line of bullshit as everybody else.

Anyone seen Mike Judge's new movie, Idiocracy? You probably missed it, because it came out for like five minutes in the theaters, in maybe five cities, and then it got released on video. Judge is the director of Office Space, and the creator of Beavis and Butt-head and King of the Hill. Idiocracy, like Office Space, is a flat movie that may not be a masterwork of cinematography, but it does contain some pretty hard-hitting jokes.

The premise is that at some point, like now, mankind stopped evolving, because the Federlines began breeding way faster than the Einsteins. By 2505, the world became overrun by garbage, and a garbage avalanche dislodged the suspended-animation casket containing an utterly average Army librarian named Luke Wilson, which was buried in 2005 when the top-secret program was shut down, the base was bulldozed, and a new Fuddruckers was erected in its place. I won't tell you much more than that, except that the citizens in 2005 are so stupid that they can't grow crops because someone decided to irrigate with Brawndo, the Thirst Mutilator (a sports drink with electrolytes, ie.e., Gatorade) instead of water. And that even though there's a pro wrestler slash porn star in the White House, Carl's Jr. pretty much runs everything, and its advertising slogan is "Carl's Jr.: Fuck You, I'm Eating."

I don't think it's going to take us until 2505 to get buried by a mountain of garbage, though. We're headed there a lot sooner.