Woof. Woof woof woof: Dispatch one.

As a public service to Two Wheels Good readers, here are a couple of canine-related entries to the contemporary lexicon.

Dog's breakfast: You hear this occasionally, especially from Brits. "He's made a right dog's breakfast of that one." Now, if you have a pooch in the house, chances are you understand the meaning of "four-legged garbage disposal." The furry buggers will eat pretty much anything remotely edible, along with used tampons and a few other sundry items. And if you are a cook with a penchant for experimenting, and occasionally you fail, and when you fail you have a certain Fido or Rover (or Samir Nayeenanajar Jr., in this case) underfoot, you can appreciate the economy of serving that failed cooking experiment to the furry little (or not-so-little) garbage disposal who's wagging his tail conveniently next to where you stand. Ergo, dog's breakfast: Something you just fucked up beyond all recognition, and would like to dispose of, quickly.

Dog in a manger: Imagine Fido, or Samir, sitting in the barn. He's not hungry, but he won't let the cattle or other livestock get at their food, just because he can. "Grrrr. I don't want this stuff I'm guarding, but you can't have it either." Or something like that.

And my apologies for foisting the Audi commercial above, but it's one of the coolest pooch-related adverts I've seen.